Go ahead, ask me how my day was....

....and I will tell you it depends on how you look at it.  I did something today that I probably haven't done in the last 32 years.  A milestone?  Perhaps.  It is certainly something that I won't forget and something that I hope I don't do for another 32 years.

So today started out like every other Saturday morning.  I was lucky enough to be able to sleep in, even after being up at 5:30.  I was lucky enough to watch the sun rise before falling back asleep.  Every Saturday I attend a tennis clinic.  I played ok.  Not great but ok.  Pretty normal.  The mister was off to the golf course, so I treated myself to lunch.  A big salad at Bellaria.  A nice quite morning, at least until I ventured home.

I turned off of High Street onto Canyon so that I could enjoy the beauty of the ravine in Spring.  My window was rolled down and the warm breeze rolled thru my hair.  I was in a great mood, looking forward to the weekend.  I turned up the radio in my car and started singing along. 

"You spin my head right round right round as you go down, as you go down, down."  Nothing like some pornograhic lyrics to get me going.  I sang louder and louder as I had the ravine all to myself.  And then it happened.  And when it happened, it happened fast.  Too fast for me to stop it.  Too fast for me to change my course. 

I farted.  And unfortunately for me (and my underwearr), it wasn't a normal fart.  It was a fart that was the wrong state of matter.  The normal feeling of relief didn't come.  Instead came total panic.  Because my friends, I shit my pants.  I Hershey squirted.  I shart.  I took the Browns to the superbowl in the front seat of my car. 

The only good thing was that I was close to home.  And I suppose the fact that I was alone, and not say, with an editor or a professor was another good thing.  And I guess it was also good that my husband wasn't with me because he would have laughed so hard, he probably would have shit his own pants.  Oh, it was also good that I wasn't wearing $10 Vicky's undies.  I had on my standard, tennis playing grannie panties.  Panties that I wouldn't be sad to part with.

So I guess there were a lot of good things that happend.  See how I can turn this tragedy around?

When I got home, I finished my business, threw said panties away and got into the shower.  I continued on my day, which thanfully, was anticlimatic.  That is until I decided to go to the bookstore and look around.

On my way there, I was mooned by a 5 year old girl.  Was she mocking me?  Had someone told her about my unfortunate incident?  And golly, where was her mother?  I looked back at her from my rear view mirror and watched as she stood there with her pants around her ankles waiting for her next victim.

On my way back home, I took the same ravine path as I did earlier.  Confident.  As I drove I saw an animal off on the side of the road.  As I drove closer, this is what I saw:




Yes folks, that is a chicken.  In the ravine.  In the ravine in Clintonville, where we normally don't see chickens. 

So, if you are missing your chicken, give me a call.  I'm off to drink a few beers, in the safety of my own home, of course.  I'm afraid of what more this day could bring.

Posted by clintonvillebigmomma.com at 4/18/2009 5:20 PM
Categories: Poo
Tags: Poo
 
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